Consider Cats
Volume 1, issue 1
People like to talk about their cats. Take Jonah Ogles over at the ARMCHAIR! (illustrated) - most of the words that exit his mouth concern Superwolf. When asked what Mr. Ogles did the previous evening, he usually replies with “Super and I just watched TV.”
It was always odd to me, a self-proclaimed dog person for the better part of 22 years, to hear people talk so fondly of their “kitties.” Odd - that is - until Theo began working at HardTimes. And since Theo (that’s him up there) remains the talk of the water cooler, a new feature is born on HardTimes: Consider Cats
Lately, Theo has been running a muck: staring at walls for extended periods of time, pouncing on invisible mice, and laying around slug-like listening to Moby Grape. Most of the office thinks psychedelics have warped the little guy’s mind, but I have diagnosed Theo otherwise.
I’m calling it the Pre-Sage Stage. The PSS can exist in any life form - most commonly found in those stone cold stoics, but also in cats. All sages must go through a sort of spiritual awakening, not that different from Allen Ginsburg’s.
Ginsburg went through his PSS stage from the late 50’s to the early 70’s. The guy partied hard, experienced life, dove into eastern religions, and wrote some great poems. But those damned squares in academia thought Ginsburg was a hack. Who could understand this wild child writing in free verse and stealing thunder from the ivory tower? The pendulum of academics was swinging, and by the time it started to swing back, Ginsburg the hippy was a solid sage.
So do not fret cat lovers. Though PSS looks as though the poor feline has gone off the deep end, he/she is in fact meditatively preparing himself/herself for infinite wisdom and enlightenment. If your cat has any of the following symptoms, you may begin looking forward to life with a sage:
Slow Reflexes, hearing Voices, rediscovery of Steely Dan’s “Kid Charlemagne,” being inspired by the 1/56 Cherokee in their blood, referring to Richard M. Nixon as “President Crook,” psychosis and ramblings on how they could have gone to Altamont, but sacrificed their tickets for a vision quest, or table tapping with Hendrix, Keith Moon, and Joplin.
The next time you’re pondering life’s questions: Consider Cats.
